My cankle has gone down a bit. I can see a small portion of my left ankle. Other than intermittent bouts of sciatic nerve pain, I am actually feeling pretty good. In fact, the best I’ve felt this entire pregnancy. The nausea seems to have finally completely dissipated over the past 2 weeks. I am eating normally again. I was able to eat spicy Mexican food yesterday and it actually tasted good! And I like my morning decaf coffee again. Probably not a great thing, but it is the kind of ritual that makes me happy. And I like vegetables again. Triumph! I’ve even been sleeping much better. So again, the sciatic nerve pain, my only complaint right now. It sends shooting pains down my leg when baby is positioned just right, often during a contraction, and then I cannot move. I was stuck in place at my food co-op for about 5 minutes yesterday. I couldn’t move forward or backward. I could only just sort of balance on one leg. Finally, one of the employees asked me if I needed any help. I was just able to hold on to the employee and balance enough to stretch my hamstring, which got me going again, slowly.
I also feel good enough to get outside and celebrate what’s left of summer but I do not dare walk by myself for fear I’ll be stranded on a trail somewhere, unable to move. Ethan was very kind and took me for a walk today around a nearby lake. It was so nice to be outside. Ethan is such a good son. I’d really like to get Ethan a dog sometime this year. He wants one so much, as do I. I recognize the timing isn’t the best right now, but perhaps later in the spring. We’ll have to see how we are all doing by that point.
I start teaching legal writing at the University of Minnesota in two weeks. I haven’t allowed myself to get nervous about this until now. I was too busy getting Hannah off. Finally, however, I’m turning my focus to what’s ahead in the next few weeks: Ethan starting high school, my first year teaching, and the coming baby. In all of this, I am still watching Hannah closely, from afar. Chris says that half of my heart is in Japan with Hannah, and I think that is true. Still, each day she seems to grow more confident and gain more acceptance for the path she is on. That really helps me as I work to let go.