No, it’s not our wedding anniversary–although an important anniversary of sorts just passed for us. It’s just that you’ve been working so hard lately and yet you still come home and lovingly play with Josh, patiently building dinosaur skeleton models and finding new ways to wash the anxious head of a sensory challenged three year old. My wedding vows mean every bit as much as they did almost four years ago now. Here they are again:
When I made this commitment 18 years ago, I didn’t know what forever was; I didn’t know wrinkles on my face; I didn’t know the wisdom of a man who has seen 4 decades on this earth; I didn’t know how much I needed a pine-scented forest to remain sane. Chris, you are certainly the pine-scented air; quite possibly even the field of cornflowers at dusk. And you are most assuredly the only place I want to be.
Thank you for always considering my point of view, even if it is slowly, over time. Thank you for taking so much joy and delight in my own joy and delight. Thank you for believing in me, for holding my dreams sacred. You are a man of great kindness, honor and generosity of soul.
I commit to also extending to you kindness, generosity and grace.
- I commit to allowing us both space to grow; to fostering patience and understanding during times of change, both yours and my own.
- I am the quiet processor. You process aloud. I commit to finding words to explain where I’ve been when I’ve escaped into myself for a period of time.
- I commit to keeping even the hard stuff in the open so that hidden resentments do not build between us. As Michael Franti says, “When the hard times come, you know the teacher’s in the room.” I commit to learning from the teachings of the hard times.
- I commit to asking for help when needed, of each other or even to reach beyond to our larger circle of family, friends, and relevant others.
- I commit to a observing the tides of our relationship, to times of connection and times of detachment and solitude; I will be attentive to how the cycles feed us and our growing love.
- I commit to continuing to attend concerts together and to holding hands in public.
I take you now as my husband, my warder, my sole lover, and my life partner. I think I now know a bit more about forever and I want my forever to be spent with you.
To quote JR Tolkien “Now not day only shall be beloved, but night too shall be beautiful and blessed and all its fears pass away!”